This Place Called Memory Lane

Today I have spent some time walking lane. Perhaps it is because Ben had his farewell Sunday and seeing all those band kids just brought me back to all my good buddies I had. Life can never go back to the way it was...which is good because no matter how wonderful high school was, it would be quite hellish to be in a perpetual state of "high school student", but it was sweet while it lasted.

Everybody seemed to grow up really fast. Johanna, Camille, and Steph are having babies, Fuzz is spreading the gospel. Cam, Mike, and Jake are back from missions (for almost 2 years now, what??) and are at USU living the college life and being awesome, I'm sure.

Then somehow I went through college and a million roommates in the blink of an eye. Cami got married, Sam will be graduating soon, Kaylee is falling in love again, Nonie is a teacher and living with Nina, Ashlee got married, Oyuna is probably still a night owl, Jamie is a missionary, Elise went on a mission and is now home, Shantell is being her bad self.

How did I go from obnoxious teenager to this crazy married lady??? Instead of thinking about boys, roommate problems, and what to do on Friday night I'm thinking about how to get through medical school, how to make Austin's lunch more exciting, how we're going to live in D.C. if I get my internship at N.I.H., how to make Christmas work, how to make exercising more interesting for Joyce, pay the heating bill, the rent, the internet bill, the gas bill. And the new topic of my many thoughts lately has been what I want to teach my children (when they come...not anytime soon), which inevitably follows with the realization that I'm still trying to possess those qualities...how the heck will I teach them to my children?!?!?

Anyway. The point being that time has passed so quickly. I know that I wasn't perfect through out that time. In fact some of those mistakes still  occupy the corner of my thoughts which never seem to completely leave. One of those mistakes that I always re-re-re-re-re-realize while strolling down this dusty lane is how my stupid pride built automatic stone walls between me and learning more, meeting people and such. I cringe when I remember times when I should have been understanding and instead I was judgmental, when I should have just shut up but instead I spoke louder and closed my ears tighter, when I should have stopped and listened instead of plowing ahead with what I thought was right. Memory Lane can be laden with booby traps and thorn bushes sometimes. 

My hope is that I've improved from selfish teenager to now. I don't want to be the Heidi that was so forward she was rude, that indulged in self pity, that was inconsistent. I want to be less self-centered, more patient, less thoughtless, more compassionate, more self-disciplined, more faithful, reliable.  Maybe writing it down will remind me that this is who I am working to become. Thanks Memory Lane for reminding me, I'll remember not to be that anymore.